Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
