Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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