oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
