I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
