fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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