come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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