Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is Oprah even human
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
