Jerry, you need to find god
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
