Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
