Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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