Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
