why didn't you poke me back
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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