i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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