I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
