when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
