my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
