We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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