Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
