By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
