Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
