That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
