Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
