She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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