You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
my poor anus
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
