My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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