fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
