i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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