HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
