I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
