And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
