I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
