I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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