Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
