I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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