I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
