Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
