I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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