Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
