i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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