Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
