you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
