Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
