what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
