Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
