Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize