it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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