i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
