If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
