I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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