His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
