don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
