what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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