I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
