He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
