There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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