guys are not supposed to queef...right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
