Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
