Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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