Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
