Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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