i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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