3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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