How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
