Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
