I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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