Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
