Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
