when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
