I think I died a long time ago.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
