Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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