dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
