By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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