textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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