Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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