You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
