i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
