It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
