1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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