oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
