Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
